Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Lazy Gardener Has Failed

Wouldn't it be lovely, if gardening only consisted of good things.  Good things, like this:

and this:

and even this:

But it doesn't.  Instead we have to deal with the good, the bad and the ugly.  Right now the bad and ugly are overwhelming me.  I can't remember a time when I had weeds four feet tall, but I have them now.  A few neighbors along my fence-line never weed, so that makes my job tough, and one feeds her pets (meaning wild birds) thistle seed.  It's probably the worst seed to feed birds in gardening terms, not bird terms.  The thistles are everywhere and multiplying rapidly.  Not that I am perfect.  I am far from that.  I have labeled myself the Lazy Gardener.  I do that well.  So last year I gave up.  Big mistake.  Honestly, I think the Phentermine in my system ran out and all my gardening frenzy before was chemically induced.  Yikes...that's a story for another day.  This year I am paying in spades.  Not the gardening kind of spades, which I imagine would be a good thing.  HA!

The time has come.  Time to take serious action.  The animals think this yard is a wildlife sanctuary and are claiming it as their own.  Animals are a good thing, but not in herds.  The word is out in the animal kingdom that the "kegger" is here and there is a line at the fence gate.  Among the animals moving in or through in the last six months have been the usual, rabbits, chipmunks, gophers and squirrels, but more recently there has been fox, mink, possums and a raccoon.  They all can stay, except the raccoon.  That dude does his business under my pool deck.  Let's just say sitting and relaxing with friends and neighbors isn't as wonderful when the smell is noxious.  Ugh.  I need Billy the Exterminator stat!

So this is the plan.  Regular lists don't work with me.  I need the embarrassment of photos for the public to see and heckle me about.  Behold my back yard with a to-do list included.  Pretty smart, right?

Standing on my back steps going clockwise:
Yeah....monstrous.  Insurmountable.  Joyless.  OK...realistically none of the painting will get done.  I hate painting.  I will hire someone for that.  But the rest is do-able.  Well, maybe not the building of the lattice screen.  It's do-able, but not by me.  I am the Lazy Gardener after all.  I don't want to shock anyone, especially myself.  So this is my goal for the week.  I will report back next week and then we will tackle another area of the yard.  If I live. 

Wish me luck.


GretaB said...

At first, it seems like you have a long list. But, obviously some of the things are quick, like putting away the hose, broom, etc. I have faith in you and know you can do it. Just set out to do a few things each night and by the end of the week/weekend, it will look fabulous. You'll be able to share photos of all your hard work and we'll all be rushing over to hang out. Heck, I wish I could come and help out. It actually sounds like fun.

Rosalie said...

with the quick 2 second, put the broom away jobs!!! the shorten the list quicker!!! heehee ;0) should have seen our back garden a couple of weeks ago... yikes, scary.. but with 8 kids... 2 hours later, whew all done, 20 hours in 2 hours!! but we are at sc are all more than happy to come hang in that pool!!! xx

Keshka said...

Definitely wishing you luck! Love the photos:)

Susan Beth said...

Ummm, I hate to tell you this, but my yard is 100 times worse! You see we live next to fields, and my grasses are 3.5 feet high, and you can't even find the stone path I installed several years ago. That's because when I was sick last summer I didn't garden. One year's neglect, and it's like starting all over again. Trying to claim land from the Montana wilds is just like banging my head against a brick wall. But I keep doing it anyway!

vtpuggirl said...

That's a big list for the weekend, hope the weather stays nice! I could have written that list, I had painting too. I have a strange gardening problem, we need rain! I have automatic sprinklers for the beds and the grass, but I just can't in good faith water the grass any more, this has got to be getting expensive. So praying for rain.

Sasha Holloway said...

girl I WISH I even had a green thumb .. good luck on all that

Mandie said...

good luck, d! when you are done, wanna come to california? :)

Keshka said...

How's the updating going? And thanks for your comment on my blog, i was laughing out loud!